When I became a new mom at the young age of 20 years old, I was thrown into a world that I knew very little about. I had 2 step sons that were 5 and 3 at the time, but this was the first baby that I physically had. Nobody fully prepared me for the amount of love and connection that I would feel towards the soul that I brought into the world, but nobody really prepared me for the depression that would soon follow. It was something that the doctor mentioned at one of the appointments and something that the nurse mentioned briefly while I was in recovery from having my son. I never thought that PPD would hit as hard as it did.

 

My body was in a completely different shape than it had ever been in, and none of my clothes fit that I wore before my pregnancy. I hated my body and I hated that I was feeling bad about the way that I looked during a time that I wanted so badly to enjoy with my new baby. I tried my best to be more positive and settle in better to my new role and my new body, but nothing that I did seemed to help.

 

Fast forward 8 months when I found out I was pregnant again. At this point I was excited to have another baby, but knew that it meant even more weight to work off and even more hormones going crazy in a body that seemed completely crazy to begin with. I was not in the same frame of mind at the beginning of my second pregnancy as I was with my first. With my first I started out more confident and excited. But with my second pregnancy I started out already hating my body and the way that I looked. That didn’t change at all after having my second, but I had already had a newborn baby before, so with my second baby the mothering part of post partum came more naturally and I felt more confident in that role.

 

But about 3 months after I had my second baby I started to have some thoughts about suicide and thoughts about never being good enough. I truly thought that my kids would be better off without me because I tended to lose my temper when things were going crazy, as they often did with 2 very young babies. I did not seek professional help, but instead just relied more on prayer and other mom’s who were going through the same thing or who had gone through PPD in the past. That seemed to work for me for the time being, but after I had my third baby that’s when things got really bad. Some situations in my life on top of severe PPD caused me to seek professional help and receive counseling as well as medication to help me function normally.

 

I never realized how much those resources could help and truly wished I had gotten help sooner with my first two pregnancies. It was life changing to have the help that I needed and to use the resources that are available to Mom’s who are facing PPD. Sometimes I think as women, we think taking medication makes us weak, or it makes us feel like there is something really wrong with us because we have to take medication to help us feel happy and sane. In my case, I did not have to take medication for an extended period of time, but I was willing to take it as long as I felt like I needed it.

 

When I got pregnant with my fourth baby the depression hit while I was pregnant, and that was really hard. My doctor was very compassionate and helped me through the depression and went over all my options carefully including the effects of each method of helping with the depression. I opted not to take medication while pregnant, but decided counseling was the better and safer option for me while I was pregnant. The doctor checked up with me frequently and made sure that the method I chose was working. He also made sure I understood that if medication was needed, that he could prescribe something whenever I felt like I needed it, or that I could begin taking medication as soon as I delivered. That turned out to be unnecessary because as soon as I gave birth the depression seemed to lift, and I felt fine.

 

I think that the biggest thing for new Mom’s is knowing the warning signs of PPD and acting on them as soon as they see them! Don’t wait! It’s like having a toothache and waiting until you’re about to pass out in pain before going to the dentist. PPD can his early (even during pregnancy like I had with my fourth) or it can hit months after having a baby. No matter when/if it hits, it’s so important for Mom’s to get help. Don’t ever feel like you’re alone. There are so many Moms that go through PPD, and we need to be more open about our struggles, so that we can all band together and make a difference in the lives of those who are having these struggles.