I know that not everyone believes in God, but I would feel ungrateful if I didn't acknowledge the biggest help to me through this entire journey. 

 

I shared in my post, Going from enduring Life to Living Life my journey with depression and the turning point for me to start facing it. I shared a list of new habits I was interested in trying to see if they helped my depression. This list was constructed after observing the happiest person I know, my husband, and figuring out what he did that I didn't.

 

This list of habits included things like, socializing, exercising, noticing nature, listening to music, making fun a priority, dreaming big, and facing fears, etc. At first when I looked at this list I wondered if it was right to do these things to be happy. Some of them seemed worldly and almost selfish. Most of my life I had believed that all I needed to be happy was to strengthen my relationship with God. There were even some who told me that if I truly believed in God, I would know He loved me and I wouldn't be depressed.

 

This hurt me. I had developed an incredible love for my Heavenly Father as a teenager after having a profound experience during a very lonely and discouraging time. I knew that He loved me and I believed in him. It was this one connection that kept me grounded over the next several years. I faithfully said my prayers, attended church and did all that I knew how to do to strengthen my relationship with my creator.

 

So why was I still depressed?

 

I felt like something was wrong with me and that my connection just wasn't good enough. I wondered what more I could possibly do to have more faith.

 

Luckily Heavenly Father blessed me by placing people in my life who could teach me how to connect with the world. To socialize and make friends. He taught me how to dream big and he inspired me to face my fears. As I worked through this process, I was amazed at how much better I felt and I realized that these habits didn't point me away from Heavenly Father like I thought they might. When used the right way, they in fact they pointed me to Him. I realized that these things were not just habits, but tools that Heavenly Father has given all of us from the beginning because He knew how difficult it would be here on earth.  The challenge is being willing to use them.

 

1. He has placed me here in this world, not alone, but with other people with weaknesses and trials just like me. People I can learn to work with and sacrifice for, and people who can in return support me during my difficult times. Whenever I see a kind act performed by another human being, I am reminded of my savior who was the ultimate example of kindness.

 

2. Heavenly Father has given me music, a healthy distraction, a calming validation, and a fun supporter.

 

3. He has given me nature, to remind me that I am worth creating worlds for.

 

4. He has given me fun, to show me life is a gift from Him and it is there for me to enjoy.

 

5. He has given me dreams, to help me remember that I am a daughter... of God who can do great things!!

 

6. He has given me the gift of failure, because He knows that this is how I will grow. Knowing that I would fall short, He had a plan from the beginning and sent My Savior to make up for what I lack.

 

7. He has given me a body to help me maneuver this life and experience it to its fullest.

 

8. He has given me the ability to change, to become exactly who He knows I can become.

 

9. But more than anything, He has assured me that He will be there... to go through it all with me.

 

Years ago as a teenager, through prayer and faith, I had learned that Heavenly Father loves me... but that isn't all He wants me to do.

 

He wants me to love myself.

 

He wants me to love others.

 

He wants me to be connected to the world so that I can help change it, for the better.

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I've learned that loving God isn't just acknowledging that He is there for me and loves me. Loving god means being willing to change, being willing to make friends and build relationships with the people around me so that we can help each other. Loving god means facing my fears, trying and failing and then trying again. Loving God is being willing to go through the painful refiners fire to become what He knows I can become.

 

I've said it before, this process has not been easy. It has required me to break old habits, it has required me to change behaviors, and it required me to face my fears. I have come a long way and I still have a long way to go. I will always have my ups and downs. Just because I have downs, doesn't mean my faith is wavering, but rather that I'm being challenged and I have to figure out what it is that I need to do to get up again. Sometimes it takes time, and that's okay.

 

Who would have known that by connecting with the world I would strengthen my connection with God? Who would have known that these worldly connections would make me happier?

 

God knew.

 

Which is why my connection with God is the most important connection I will ever make.