August 21, 2018 Airplane trip home from Illinois

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Today we traveled back home from an awesome week long vacation in Southern Illinois/ St. Louis. We flew with three kids/boys ages 4, 2 and 8 months. To prepare for our air trip home I did my best to pack us all into the car early in the morning, drive 2 hours to the car rental, load the kids into the shuttle, get to the airport, get all of our car seats and luggage onto a cart and get into the terminal. It was graceful and my mood was great, couldn’t have asked for a better morning until…

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We were standing in the check in line with all our “stuff” and, unable to contain my kids, I allowed them to run around a bit. We waited in line until it was our turn to approach the desk. My husband stepped up to the desk while I stood back a bit, trying to gather things up.

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An airport worker with a large cart full of luggage was trying to push through the aisle between my husband and I. Before he could get too far, my 2 year old darted in front of him and froze, blocking his way. While trying to contain my 4 year old and hold my baby, I tried repeatedly to kindly signal to my toddler to come towards me. Yeah right. He stood planted there blocking the aisle, until I reached forward, grabbed his arm, and pulled him back to me.

 

The man stood patiently waiting, until I grabbed my son’s arm when he said in a rough, loud voice, “Take your time, DON’T Hurt him!”

 

It was a dumb comment. But it bothered me… a lot. My face started to flush as he walked by, moving on with his day and all of a sudden I was extremely irritable with my kids and husband. The comment kept playing over and over in my mind, “Don’t hurt him!”

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What a horrible man! I kept thinking. Why would he say something like that?! I do not HURT my kids. Although sometimes they might provoke the temptation.

 

I was not a pleasant person, and I could feel my anxiety bubbling up inside of me.

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As we headed to the gate, I tried to think of why this comment bothered me so much. It took me a while, but I figured out that it bothered me for one main reason; I was worried about what others thought of me. He had spoke so loudly, that this comment reached the ears of those standing in the line behind me. And now, I was sure,  they all believed I hurt my kids, or that I am a bad mom.

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I try so hard to be patient and loving with my kids, but this man degraded all my efforts in three little words, allowing others to assume the worst of me.

 

Fortunately, I knew the truth. I don’t hurt my kids, and I decided to focus on this instead.

 

Once we reached the gate, I sat down watching my kids run around while my husband went to get us some lunch. At first I tried to tell myself over and over again, I'm a good mom. but this repetition didn't work. I needed proof, something substantial to help me truly believe I was a good mom.

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At this point, I forced myself to think of moments throughout that day, that had proved I loved my kids. I drew blanks at first, but then I recalled two moments. Moments that had required me to push aside my agitation and instead exercise a great amount of patience or love towards them. These two moments were moments of strength, at least to me.

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1. Telling my 4 year old a dozen times why the car ride to the airport was so long,

2. Putting my kids’ backpacks on over and over again, when my hands were full with baby and luggage, since they found it funny to keep taking them off.

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These moments were simple, but I knew they were challenging to me and that I had overcome myself; I had been a good mom.

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By thinking realistically and recognizing the truth that I am a good mom I was able to stop worrying about what everyone else thought of me. But probably more importantly, I was able to forgive the man. He was doing his best to protect my boy from being hurt, and I appreciate that.

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I could have continued to dislike the man. It wouldn't have hurt him,

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But I decided that I had to forgive this small interaction because if I didn't, it would hurt me. I let it go. My heart rate calmed, I stopped repeating his comment in my mind, and I was able to move on with reinstated patience for my kids and a light happy heart.