Alisha
The eater disorder I’ve struggled with, is hard to put a label on. I have a strange relationship with food which stems from a lack of parental presence in my life. Growing up, my family didn’t have a home cooked meal every night. We did maybe once a week. The other nights we ate either frozen pizza, or something of the sorts. It made it very easy for me to be picky.
Being picky led to a silly game I liked to play to seek attention. That is, not eat at all to see if anyone would notice. My parents were never very involved in my life. I spent a lot of time with friends and cousins. When I was home, we were always just in our own rooms watching
TV. We didn’t have a lot of family time. So, I would do this to strive to get a rise out of them – to get their attention.
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This little game, unfortunately trickled into my teenage years and became an issue when I would choose not to eat to seek for attention from my friends. I never did it because I thought I was fat, or because I didn't like my body image. I, in fact, have always been very petite. I did it for the attention. It wasn't until I became an adult that I understood what I was doing. I realized that it's my responsibility to take care of my body. To eat and nourish myself.
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By the time I became mature enough to recognize this is not healthy behavior, though, I felt stuck. I wasn't used to trying new foods and found it hard to finish an entire meal. For some reason I can't get myself to clear my plate. I was also never taught to cook. Even to this day, trying to figure out what to cook my family for dinner sometimes gives me so much anxiety, it stops me in my tracks. I get overwhelmed and opt for takeout.
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Last year, though, my husband and I planted a vegetable garden and got some chickens. We were constantly harvesting fresh vegetables and eggs, and because I didn't want the food to go to waste, I felt more obligated to cook and eat. It helped me with my struggles, and I enjoyed it.
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I still want to do better, though. I want to learn to cook. I want to learn to eat. I want to get in the kitchen more and lean on eating out less. I want to do this for my body.
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Because it is worth it.
