Make Fun a priority
"No one looks stupid when they're having fun" Amy Poehler
When we lived in Orlando, FL, my husband and I got a season pass to SeaWorld. We spent most of our free time here going on rides and walking around (this was before we had kids). Even though I did enjoy it, it was also really stressful for me to get there. I had other things I needed to do on the weekends since I worked during the week.
There was a special event SeaWorld held during the summer called Bands, Brews and BBQ's. They would get a popular singer to come and perform there, and several BBQ and beer joints would come into the park and share their goods.
One of the artists that was asked to perform at SeaWorld was Rodney Atkins, one of our favorite singers. My husband had looked this up several weeks in advance and we decided we would go. It was on a Saturday and I was excited, however, as the day got closer, some other obligations popped up. I also needed to do the laundry, dishes, and shopping that I hadn't been able to get to throughout the week. I became overwhelmed. There were so many things on my to-do list and I didn't know how I was going to do them all after spending the day at the concert.
Nonetheless, I went.
While sitting down in the amphitheater waiting for Rodney Adkins to come out, the thoughts of all the things I needed to get done began welling up inside of me. I was so overwhelmed and anxious to get them done that I became extremely irritable. I didn't want to be there.
This irritability was, of course, directed towards my husband who was just trying to have a good time. Every time he tried to talk to me, I responded with short and angry responses. Deep down inside, I wanted to just let go. I wanted to enjoy the concert because I really liked this singer, but I couldn't. The anxiety just got worse and worse until I started to cry (Oh yes I did).
Needless to say, I ruined the event for both of us and we ended up leaving so I could get some things done.
I wish I could say this only happened once. But the truth is, this happened all the time. I was always irritable and anxious to get my long list of things done.
Life becomes a little less fulfilling living this way and after a while I got burned out and tired. My stress portrayed itself physically in many ways during this time and I was not healthy.
Finally after many years like this, I sought for answers of why I do this; why do I create these long lists of to-do's for myself and why do I let them control my life?
I won't go into all the gritty details but I found my answers and what it came down to was... these lists, these projects, were the way I defined my worth. Each of the items was motivated by an external reward: the praise after a job well done, the smile and thank you after performing service, and the money I got for working extra time were all external rewards. If I completed my items and got my external reward, I was worth something, so I constantly filled up my life with these sorts of things.
Now, I'm not saying that doing things for external rewards is bad, because it isn't. I think these types of motivations can help us reach incredible goals. The problem was my life was solely run on these, and it was damaging to me.
There was no room for fun because... fun didn't have an external reward.
Slowly after learning why I created my lists and understanding how harmful it was to myself to live this way, I began changing my perspective. I began to redefine my worth by telling myself, I am worthy of having some fun. I began looking at fun as something I needed to do, instead of something that was optional. This simple act allowed me to let go of some of those unnecessary things that I had added to my list. It allowed me to relax.
I began following my husbands example and seeking for opportunities to have fun in the world. Below is a picture of me trying out the monkey bars at the park. Something I normally wouldn't have done, because why would I? There's no external reward.
Looking weird is another reason why I don't like to have fun... but no one looks stupid when they are having fun. :)
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The reward I did get out of this was a smile... from me. It even made me laugh. It made me happy. (By the way, monkey bars are really hard).
I've found that kids know the best ways to have fun and so sometimes I just follow them around. A couple months ago after a large snow storm, I went to the park with my kids. We initially went there to sled down the hill but they began wandering over to the slides. I couldn't understand why they would want to go down the slide with two feet of snow everywhere, but I let the moment play out. My oldest went down the ten foot slide and landed in the pile of snow at the bottom. He beamed, with a huge smile spread across his face.
I decided to try it too.
I flew off the bottom into the large pile of snow, something I had never done. After doing it once, I had to do it over and over again, because it was fun!
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I still have moments of stress and that is okay. It's normal. The difference now is that those moments don't last nearly as long. They always have an end.
Even though fun can cost money, take time and require sacrifice, it breaks up the monotony of life. It makes life and all of its challenges bearable and, worth it.
This is the area where I feel like I am living life the most.
This is where I find joy... in my journey.