August 21, 2018 Airplane trip home from Illinois
Today we traveled back home from an awesome week long vacation in Southern Illinois/ St. Louis. We flew with three kids/boys ages 4, 2 and 8 months. To prepare for our air trip home I did my best to pack us all into the car early in the morning, drive 2 hours to the car rental, load the kids into the shuttle, get to the airport, get all of our car seats and luggage onto a cart and get into the terminal. It was graceful, couldn’t have asked for a better morning until….
We were standing in the check in line with all of our “stuff” and unable to contain my kids, I allowed them to run around a bit. We waited in line, until it was our turn to approach the desk. My husband stepped up to the attendant while I stood back a bit trying to gather things up.
Another flight attendant with a large cart full of another customer’s luggage was trying to push through the aisle between my husband and I when my 2 year old all of the sudden ran in front of the cart and stopped right in front of it blocking the progression of the attendant. While trying to contain my 4 year old and hold my baby, I tried repeatedly to kindly signal to my toddler to come towards me…. Yeah right. He stood planted there blocking the aisle, until I reached forward grabbed his arm and pulled him back to me.
Now the man, stood patiently waiting until I grabbed my son’s arm when he said in a rough, loud voice, “Take your time, DON’T Hurt him!”
It was a dumb comment. But it bothered me… a lot. My face started to flush as he walked by moving on with his day and all of a sudden I was extremely irritable with my kids and husband. The comment kept playing over and over in my mind, “Don’t hurt him!”
My initial reaction
“What a horrible man!” I thought in my mind. “Why would he say something like that?! I do not HURT my kids"..... Although sometimes they might provoke the temptation.
I was not a pleasant person.
Why did I react?
As we headed to the gate, I tried to think of why this comment bothered me. It took me a while but I figured out that it bothered me for one main reason;
I was worried about what others thought about me. He had said this so loudly and angrily that this comment reached the ears of those standing in the line behind me and now, I was sure, that they all believed that I “hurt” my kids, or that I was a bad mom.
I try so hard to be patient and loving with my kids, but this man degraded all of my efforts in three little words allowing others to assume the worst of me.
What did I do?
Self talk- I knew the truth. I don’t hurt my kids
Once we reached the gate, I sat down watching my kids run around while my husband went to get us some lunch. At first I tried to tell myself over and over again, "I am a good mom." but this repetition did not work. I needed proof, something substantial to help me truly believe that I was a good mom.
At this point, I forced myself to think of moments throughout that day that had proved that I loved my kids. I drew blanks at first, but then I recalled two moments. Moments that had required me to push aside my agitation and instead exercise a great amount of patience or love towards them. These two moments were moments of strength, at least to me.
1. Telling my 4 year old a dozen times why the car ride to the airport was so long,
2. Putting my kids’ backpacks on over and over again, when my hands were full with baby and luggage, since they found it funny to keep taking them off.
These moments were simple, but I knew that they were challenging to me and that I had overcome myself; I had been a good mom.
Why and how did this help?
By recognizing the truth ‘that I was a decent mom’ I was able to stop worrying about what everyone else thought of me but probably more importantly, I was able to forgive the man. He was doing his best to protect my boy from being hurt, and I appreciate that.
I could have continued to dislike the man. It wouldn't have hurt him,
But I decided that I had to forgive this small interaction because if I didn't.....it would hurt me. I let it go. My heart rate calmed, I stopped repeating his comment in my mind and I was able to move on with reinstated patience for my kids and a light happy heart.
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