My kids hate going to bed.
The night time battle as I am trying to put my kids to bed always surprises me. They tend to get extra sensitive around bedtime, unable to make rational decisions or work through easy problems, such as finding their special toys, because they're so tired. I know their sensitivities around bedtime are heavily related to their fatigue, and I also know the solution for this predicament.... and yet the moment I mention the word, 'bed' all three of my kids begin wailing in despair, convinced that they are NOT tired. They fight it, wanting to keep playing, lying on their beds with tears running down their cheeks as they practically fall asleep during their meltdown.
I just roll my eyes at their behavior, but I have a confession to make. I have meltdowns too. In fact, I have had many meltdowns recently. A couple of weeks ago, I sat down to put a grocery list together, and I broke out into tears. I couldn't do it. I can laugh at myself now, but at the time, the despair was real.
This was not the only sign that something was wrong. I have recently developed a stomach ulcer that causes a painful burning in my stomach and makes me feel nauseous and tired all day. I have also been getting chest pain, jaw tightness and major headaches, all things that I don't normally struggle with.
I finally sat down this week to figure out what was really going on, and I realized that I am overwhelmed. I've been handling several heavy things, and from an outside perspective, much like the case with my tired kids, I'm sure that any person can tell me that I have too much on my plate, and that I need to lessen my load... that I am tired... and yet as I realized that the burdens I've been carrying, are causing fear, anxiety and physical symptoms in my body, I couldn't help but feel more discouraged. Each of the things I am trying to accomplish right now are things that I care deeply about. How do I choose between taking care of my body and doing the things I feel are important?
Through much prayer and a scripture read to me by my husband, I realized what I need to do.
"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." Mosiah 4:27.
As I read this scripture I realized that the things I've been trying to accomplish are good, but there is no longer order in my life, or wisdom. In fact my life is pretty chaotic and messy, and I no longer have the strength (emotional or physical) to achieve these things.... because it's too much.
Coming to this realization forced me to evaluate my life and search for things that I can cut out. Deep down inside I knew the one thing that needed to go, but the decision to do so was very hard for me, because it's something I love doing. However, through prayer, I've been reminded that my Heavenly Father loves me and He knows how much this thing means to me. Because He loves me, I know that He'll help me find a way to sort out my life so that it will be easier and not so burdensome in the future.
So, I've had to prioritize my ambitions, taking one thing out, temporarily, until I can harness the order back into my life. Already I can feel the peace and calm from this decision and I feel much more confident that everything will work out.
My stomach ulcer will take time to heal, but I am somewhat relieved now that my chest pain and headaches are gone. My body has taken care of me as I have pushed to accomplish some good things. Now it's time to take care of it. :)
Below are the before and after pictures of my kitchen cabinets that I painted white this summer. I'm sharing this because this was a great cause of anxiety for me, and I would strongly discourage anyone from trying this, :) but I am pretty happy with how they turned out.
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