“The two most important days of your life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why.” Mark Twain.
When I was a teenager I worked as a gardener for several real estate properties in downtown Salt Lake City, UT. On one of the properties, there was a sidewalk next to a street that had five trees planted in the middle of it. Because they were in the middle of the sidewalk, they didn't have a water source and it was my responsibility to go out and water these trees every other day. I was their lifeline.
One summer, I had the opportunity to go to a girls camp with my church, which meant that I was going to miss a very long week of work. My manager, who was also my mom, assigned someone else to take over my tasks, which included watering these trees for me.
I went to girls camp, had a great time, and when I came back, I went to water these trees again. Unfortunately, the person assigned to water the trees had forgotten, and the trees hadn’t gotten any water the whole week. As a result, they were starting to wilt. I immediately went to work on watering them again, giving them a little more than usual. I went back every day that week to check on them. Four of the trees luckily began to snap out of their water deprivation, and their leaves started to perk up. But one tree, on the very end, continued to struggle. Even after a couple weeks of continuous watering, the tree remained wilted and its leaves starting turning brown. With the help of my mom, we spent extra time on this tree, fertilizing and loosening its soil. We did the best we could, but sadly, before the summer even ended, the tree had lost all of its leaves and was completely bare.
Upon observing the trees’ bare limbs, I came to the conclusion that it was dead. I was ready to cut it down and plant a new one. But my mom disagreed. She encouraged me to continue to water and fertilize it until the first snow fall. Which I did. When the winter started, our work ended and we went home for the season.
It was a harsh winter that year. There was a lot of snow, and the cold lasted a little longer than normal. But when the snow finally melted and the flowers started to bud, I went back to work and anxiously ran to see how my tree was doing.
My special tree there on the end of the street was not only alive, but it was budding with more flowers than every other tree on the street. It had snapped out of its discouraged state from the summer before and survived the cold and dark winter. It was flourishing.
This experience has stuck with me throughout my life. Perhaps because sometimes I feel like the tree. Like sometimes life’s experiences shake me up so much that my seasons of bloom end far sooner than they should, putting me in a place of darkness. And that makes me weak.
I’m amazed at how these seasons of darkness cause me to question one of the most important things I could ever know.
What is my purpose in life? If I can’t bloom as beautifully or as long as others, then why am I here?
It’s amazing that having the answer to this simple question can fill your life with peace and confidence. But not having this answer can leave you feeling quite lost, confused and even worthless. It’s a dark place to be. I’ve prayed earnestly at certain times in my life to know what it is I am here for. And many times, it has felt as though I couldn’t get an answer, which frustrated me. If I have a purpose and desire to know what it is, why would that information be withheld from me?
It's easy during the dark times to be tossed about. I’ve found myself frantically searching for other purposes, more popular ones, and trying to send myself down those paths in an attempt to find myself again.
The dark times are fragile just as the dark time was fragile with the tree. It really could have died. Which is why it was so important for it to have an anchor. I’ve since learned why the trees change color in the fall. They are pulling in all the nutrients from the leaves to hold them inside. It's those nutrients that keep the tree alive during the hard winter. My special tree did that, just a little earlier in the year. It held onto its nutrients and conserved its energy for a later time, when it knew it could flourish.
I'm grateful for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For me, the church is my anchor, my nutrients. It's what I hold onto during my dark times. The knowledge of Heavenly Father’s love doesn’t always take away the darkness for me. It doesn’t always make me feel like I know where I'm going, but it does help me have faith. Even if it’s just a little faith, that Heavenly Father put me on this earth… to live. And eventually he will reveal to me what He needs me to know.
And He has. Recently He has helped me see the truth.
And that is, that deep down inside, I know what my purpose is in life. I always have. I know what my gifts are and what I'm able to do that others are not. The real question instead is, am I willing to accept it? Am I willing to accept my purpose in life even if it seems like it’s not as important or as popular as the purposes of others? Am I willing to stand up and defend my purpose even if others see it as less or insignificant? Am I willing to keep trying to fulfill my purpose even if I feel completely unqualified? Am I willing to make other good sacrifices to walk the path I feel I should walk?
True peace, strength, and comfort has come to me as I've tried to accept and defend my righteous purpose in a humble and appropriate way. It's through this difficult but necessary acceptance that I've been able to rise above the impossible darkness… and bloom again.
Perhaps that is the real reason the experience with the tree has stuck with me so much over the years. Because of the miracle it was. That tree, in my eyes, should not have lived. But it did. It should not have had reason to bloom again, but it bloomed anyway. The tree showed me that we can rise above.
I can rise above. And so can you.
If you find yourself in that pit of darkness, I’m sorry. I know what it’s like and I wish more than anything you didn’t have to be there. If you find yourself wondering what your righteous purpose is in life and haven’t received an answer through prayer, chances are, you already know. The real question is, are you willing to accept it? Are you willing to defend it and remove the barriers that are keeping you from achieving it?
Heavenly Father created you. He has a purpose for you, and if you accept it, He will help you bloom in the way you were designed to bloom. And no matter where, when or how that bloom happens… It will be beautiful.
Before I close this post, there is one last thing I need to say. I’ve talked about purpose by using the singular word ‘purpose’, as if we only have one. We don’t.
I have a purpose as a wife, a mother, a friend, a woman, and as a daughter. When the efforts of accomplishing one purpose are frustrated it can make every other line of purpose seem insignificant. They are not. There are many reasons we are here today. It’s not always easy to see them, but they are there.
“You are magnificent beyond measure, perfect in your imperfections, and wonderfully made.” Abiola Abrams.
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